The other stories: The former (James Bond) Field Operative and his girl as parents • Now Grandparenting • The Smart Women Environment & City Planning Engineer • The Diplomat • The Businessman whom God said to us "I'll Lend you My Child for awhile..." - There is an afterlife: Our 1st. year experience - Our Son's smile 18 hours after crossing to the other dimension - The Do's and Don'ts in facing bereaved parents – from the bereaved's perspectives • More stories
NDEs- Near-Death Experiences
Why The Pain? - Getting Answers by talking about it
Earth is our School
The Happiness of being in Heaven
Do not discredit other people's experiences
Thinking About Pleasant things in life
One is not immune from life's tragedies
Changing Priorities because of the lessons of pain
What will make you cry 10 times a day? Conveying lessons
Is Cyrus–any other child–okay?
Opening new Dimensions
Cyrus & his Guardian's ADC
Whenever you think of your departed he/she is there
Visualizing Cyrus Leaving his body?
We love You Son ...
Eulogy in Bahasa Indonesia
God said: "I'll lend you my Child..."
A Friend: Tell me about Cyrus
Friends: My Heart Breaks for you
Our Son in the other Dimension
The Do's and Don'ts In Facing Bereaved Parents
Published List on After-Life, Near Death Experiences & After-Death Communications
In memory of Cyrus' 1st. Anniversary in the Other Dimension - A Music webpage
After-Death Communications is Real
-26 Aug., 1999
A Prayer for our Son & all other departed children
List of International Schools
|By Raden Adji A. Suryo-di-Puro,
& Grandparent - Jakarta, Indonesia, 12th. April, 1999.
Jakarta, Indonesia...world's 5th. largest city... in the world's 4th. largest nation...where is it? Never heard of it? Please click here
At the ages of 57 and 58 as grandparents and after 35 years of parenting, and then going through the devastation of losing a part of ourselves through the loss of our youngest child, Cyrus, 25 years of age on January 28th. 1999 of a lung illness, has made us think of questions like "what is life?”, "why do we (and others) go through all this?” and a host of other "whys”. This in turn, made us look for answers, some of them described in these pages.
And a lot these answers were sought because the hurt and the pain forced us to look for them, just as the cancer patient who is in pain is forced to look for medication and relief. (Top right photo, ages 53 & 54, August 1995. Bottom left photo animation in our early 20s, 1964, through the year 2000 as grandparents).
As young parents – literally just kids – who started in our early 20s and had daughter Laila, and then son Arto 10 months apart, and onwards to our 30s when Cyrus was born, through our mid-40s, and now entering our autumn years of our 60s, the bereavement of loosing our 25 year old Cyrus was the remotest and furthest thing in our lives. (Below, Laila, the smart environment & city planning engineer, left animation; Arto, the diplomat and his family, and Cyrus, the businessman, right animation. Clicking on their image takes you to their individual web pages).
Illnesses, and tragedies “happen to other people
... not us” was what dominated our thoughts when and if we heard about
these unpleasant subjects.
Perhaps one can benefit from reading about other persons’ mistakes, misfortunes and tragedies, and avoid the need to experience the same pitfalls. Tragedies are unpleasant. Whether because of passing away from illnesses, or group tragedies like Kosovo refugees, the Colombine high school tragedy and 7 different rural areas in the U.S., in Somalia, in parts of Indonesia, and other parts of the world, everyone would rather skip reading about it.
But there are lessons from it – by reading about it rather than the pain of experiencing it – as life is not always nice and fun and games. At the very least one will discover a new way of understanding one’s self and others and, hopefully, better understand the purpose of one’s life.
It is like a road map made by someone else. It is better to be reasonably guided by a map, rather than stumbling along, hurting one’s self in the process. A road map is never absolutely perfect, and may not show everything. This particular road map tries to answer what a bereaved has to go through. It also answers skeptics who clothe themselves as “scientists” who give their reasons why soul-to-soul communications, specifically ‘soul-to-soul+human-body’, communications do not exist. I also give my contradictory reasons, and my reasoning is just as intelligent and valid as these scientists’ reasoning.
What is important is you – you as the individual decide for yourself; not me, not anyone else, including your own spouse or partner, and certainly forget about the scientists. The point is this map is subjective; in other words, what I can convey to the reader as the color red, may not be exactly the same red hues as you see because it is subjective. But it is, nevertheless, a kind of red for you to know what “red (to be a bereaving parent) is all about”. More on this analogy by clicking this URL.
We find that talking about it opens up other people’s experiences, and this is the most important part in soothing anguish. And if folks we know do not recount their own unique experiences (because they were fortunate enough of not having to experience devastation of losing an offspring), these kind people instead have provided books and other literature from the perspectives of different religions or non-denominated secular sources. Other groups of folks provide literature of known and internationally acclaimed mediums who have accumulated thousands of “experiencers”, that is, of people who have had their own unique experiences with the other dimension; for example, like the 14,000 cross indexed accounts of Edgar Cayce on reincarnation.
Another was the personal reading of Cyrus given
by a man who was once the head of a major multi- national, multi-billion
dollar global conglomerate who gave up his family and his religion (Catholic),
his material wealth, and his leading international business position to
lead a modest life as a Buddhist monk living in a cave because of “God’s
call” to help people like us. Heads of multi-national conglomerates are
stupid because the way their minds work is very precise, very cold and
calculating, the opposite scale of subjectiveness. Yet, they can move from
one aspect of life throwing everything they know and once believed
in, to another completely opposite lifestyle and belief, demonstrating
the dynamisms of their being, capable of being materially sufficient to
completely bereft of wordly goods (and I guess that’s why they are a world
leader in one aspect of life). All this because we were willing to talk
about our anguish and sorrow, and because of this anguish they came to
Jakarta 3 times from abroad, sent faxes and called us ... just to give
us new knowledge from the other dimension and from “the Book of Universal
Knowledge” (the Akaschic Records) so that we will be comforted.
People in grief are traumatized and because of it they are not normal, in fact, they can be considered as mentally “ill” because of their pain. Friends who are considerate should treat them like delicate crystal because their guard is down and even words meant to soothe and sympathize can be misinterpreted and in the end disappoint and even anger them.
Suppressing and not talking about grief close the doors to all knowledge about what we need to know to soothe our anguish. Like a bereaved mother’s daughter who committed suicide because she suppressed her anguish, whose anguish would have been soothed had this girl opened up herself to other people, and had she only known that many other people in this world have experienced her pain and, more importantly, others can share and help lessen her anguish.
We must always remember: there is nothing
new in this world as far as human relationships as pain and happiness
are concerned. What you and I are going through, millions of others went
through it, and others in the future will follow in our steps.
Those who have left us have gone to a better place. We were forced to learn about this. Perhaps what we have learnt can be of some comfort to other folks who are going through similar pain.
As the years and experiences accumulate, we realize that there is a purpose for our lives ... that we are not just born, die, and that’s it ... things that we ourselves had not considered in our younger years. As we become older and wiser at 57 years of age – we are certainly smarter now than we were in our mid 20s or even our mid 40s, like everybody else is smarter when they are older – we realize that this dimension we are in now is temporary, and that it is not where we really belong. We are now in a classroom, in a learning institution, and sometimes this learning period is hell for some people, and a weekend holiday for others.
We do not remember where we originally came from, because on our birth our spirits will lower its conscious vibrations and descend into the river of forgetfulness as it enters the body. The Greeks refer to this as the state between the visible and invisible worlds. In this state the soul forgets its origins and connection to divinity and also all its previous lifetimes. The grief we and others are experiencing is not new, and as man’s history and religions have shown, it is experienced by millions of people around the world–for as long as the human race existed.
The Happiness of being in Heaven
Why must we forget? Because by not knowing where we came from originally we are less likely to be homesick for our heavenly existence, committing suicide to return to the comfort of our heavenly existence when the going gets tough and painful, and negating the spirit’s efforts to learn. It’s like being at an actual earth school; one would rather go out and have fun to do what one wants, so to speak, than attend classes.
Being on earth is purgatory (even hell, as one spirit puts it in a communications with an internationally well known accomplished medium) compared to our original home, although some beings enjoy immense material wealth and other good fortunes in this dimension. By starting with a clean slate, we forget about our true heavenly existence so that it will not disturb our classes and our lessons, just as we in our earthly school must temporarily forget about the nice things at home and the enjoyable things we do with our friends.
No matter how nice, fulfilling and pleasant our life is in this dimension, it is still nothing compared to where we came from because we come from an incredibly beautiful place, gardens bursting with flowers, fruits and trees that need no pruning and maintenance; it is always perfect, and vivid colors unseen by our earthly eyes and feelings unfelt by our limited physical body, and animals which normally prey on each other living together side by side in harmony. And ... the ability to communicate with these living beings, including plants. Plant communications, that they are “alive” is a fact, already proven on this earthly dimension by scientists who can electronically measure the pain when plants are cut or are deprived of water, and the pleasure when they hear soothing music. Likewise most people who have pets have an unspoken “mutual understanding” with their pets.
We, as a human, many times want to attend classes to get a higher degree, for instance; or to learn how to paint, to play the piano, to learn how to shoot a gun because of some dire circumstances we feel, to learn a new language because it increases one’s job opportunities, and even just for the fun of it because one “likes it”, experiences the typical person must have felt at one time or another in their lifetime. Likewise, a soul may have a similar urge to learn about something which it feels it should accomplish. It is therefore not strange that a soul wants to return to “classes” even though it does take some effort to return to re-incarnate, or re-enter the flesh with the inconveniences associated with it.
When and if it becomes inconvenient, or there are too many hardships involved, one just wants to end his/her lessons. When one’s life becomes hard – really hard to the extent of losing hope, one wants to end it.
To commit suicide is akin to leaving our classroom and our school for good in the middle of our lessons which, as we all know, gives us a failure mark on our subject. We will regret all this wasted time and effort because we have to go through this class all over again. Likewise, in the spiritual dimension, cutting our life short is akin to leaving that earthly classroom. We have to go through the hassles of redoing it. And the departed spirits not only regret their actions because whatever pain that caused their deaths by their own hand will be with them on the spiritual plane They will also have to redo their classes and relive their pain all over again. It’s just not worth it.
Not only that, if the soul’s earthly time was to be, say 70 years, on this earthly dimension and he cuts his own life short at 20, he will have to bear the pain that caused his death for the next 50 years but in the spiritual dimension where his sensitivity is vastly expanded. Those whom he left behind can shorten his spiritual regret by way of prayers, love and forgiveness to the departed soul. This is a setback to the soul’s development because the point of all these exercises of “learning and experiencing” is to achieve the goal of being one with God. It is exactly just like an earth school ... to achieve a set goal. Why? Because we feel we need to.
Cyrus, in my mind, had demonstrated his awareness of a spiritual being that all life is precious. After the 7th. day commemoration, I walked into Cyrus’ room and saw his favourite candies in a closed jar on his desk that he ate from just a week ago swarming with ants. I went to get a can of insect spray, and as I was going to spray the ants, Cyrus said in my head: “Don’t kill them Daddy, they’s not hurting anyone. Let them live.” This feeling was so strong, I had to pause, then I put the can away because I didn’t want to make Cyrus unhappy. This was the first time in my 57 year life that I did not kill ants in a place where they shouldn’t be. It was not the Cyrus that I knew who would take the insect killer and spray the ants because perhaps now, in heaven, he knows and realizes that insects, too, have a right to live. Analogically, ants one supposes, is like seeing a strange cat in his bedroom. We wouldn’t kill it; but shoo it away. Just because they are smaller (and thus insignificant) it does not mean we should squash them. He was telling me something of this nature from his heavenly perspective. 75 days later, the ants are still on the candies, and I left them alone because they only go to the candies. (Right photo, Cyrus age 12½ opening Dad’s birthday presents).
Those who have died “temporarily” or went through NDEs (near death experiences, that is, who died while on the operating table, for example, but is then revived), do not want to return to the earth plane after glimpsing what is really in store for them when they die, if not for unfinished obligations like young children, a spouse, and so on which each individual spirit knows what s/he has to complete.
In one true story, a mother who was operated on and “died” on the operating table experienced a NDE and traveled to the other dimension. She did not want to return because of her physical pain she was experiencing in this dimension which she did not feel in her heavenly dimension, and in spite of her own two very small children and bereaving husband. To a normal mother, her children is her world because she will not allow anything or anyone pry them from her. In spite of the prodding to return, and that her two little offsprings still needed her because a true mother’s inherent nature is to protect them, finally her spiritual guardian in the other dimension then said to her, “this is the reason why you must return:” pointing to a figure who was approaching them. Then, a tall, good looking young man in his early 20s appeared and walked up to her. She didn’t recognize him. Face to face, this young man who addressed her as “Mom” then said: “Mom, you have to return. I am to be your son. Your life there is not finished. If you stay, I will never be born. ... Don’t you want me as your son?” Naturally, she returned. She was cured and this son was born to her about one year later, and during her golden years when he later became a young man in his 20s, she remembered the same boy whom she first met when she had her NDE. Life may be painful, but in many instances like this mother’s NDE, it is worth it.
Do not discredit other people’s experiences
Her experience is unique only to her, and no matter how many people try to dissuade her otherwise, including her own spouse and children, only she knows because she was the one who experienced it.
This web page is about one’s unique personal experiences, too, like that mother above who is really not concerned if others believed her NDE because to her the proof is in her son. We, too, therefore, who were forced to undergo a painful experience, have now learnt not to disbelieve other persons’ unique personal ADCs, NDEs, visions and other experiences which is only unique to them as the experiencer. Besides, who are we – or anyone else for that matter – to dissuade, disbelief or discredit an experience felt by someone else which we ourselves have never experienced? (To go to the page why unique experiences can only be experienced by the experiencer, please click here “That it may be our personal imagination is not the point”). And “Trying to measure the Science of Subjectiveness”
Young children can see spirits and are usually far more sensitive to visions, or can recognize other souls whom they once knew, and maybe even liked or was fond of because it was not too long ago they arrived from their heavenly existence.
May 1 st., 2001
Rimba (left photo), our 5-year old second grandchild and first grandson, one day entered my guest room where I receive only business guests. Our grownup children, internationally experienced 35 year old environment & city planning engineer daughter Laila, and 34 year old diplomat son, Arto, Rimba’s Dad, would not enter this room, except when it is absolutely necessary like when I am having business guests and they are leaving to go to their own homes, for example. But one day, Rimba enters this room while I was receiving several business guests. Being a grandson who does not know this unwritten house rule (where his parents would have dragged him out if they knew), I let him enter and introduced my guests to my grandson. After the introductions, Rimba then looks at one of my guests, an elderly kind looking white-haired gentleman of about my age (about 60), walks up to him sitting on his chair, and then – to my utter amazement – puts his arms around this man’s neck, hugs and kisses his right cheek then buries his face into the gentleman’s neck. This gentleman, surprise in his face, then holds him too, then after what I thought was a long 5 seconds, Rimba lets go and walks out of the room. Rimba is first a very shy and sensitive boy, and is certainly not the type to go to a complete stranger and say hello to, even much less hug him. That he did this amazed me, would have amazed more so his parents and his Grandmom, Minou, had they seen what he had done. That boy does not even put his arms around me each time he kisses me when he visits his grandparents at our home each weekend. Why did he do that to a kind looking gentleman whom he never met in his life?
Contrary to what we know about him throughout his 5 year old life, he’s a timid boy, sometimes needs prodding from his parents to shake hands with new friends of his age, and very reserved towards a stranger whom he never met ? The only explanation that fitted reason was his soul recognized this old gentleman whom he must have liked and loved at one point of his soul’s journeys of several other lives. (Rimba's family, Dad, Mom & brother, right animation).
Did one ever meet a complete stranger and then, without any logical reason feel sympathy, liked him/her right away as if we knew her/him all our life? And can even talk to him/her for hours on end feeling comfortable as if talking to a very old friend – and yet, we have never met him/her? And you know how “comfortable” (safe) one feels when talking to an old friend? Or how about the times when we meet a complete stranger and dislike this person for no apparent reason? Souls, according to many readings re-enter a lifetime as a soul group and will meet those other souls that played a part in our previous lives. Obviously we will meet those whom we must have liked, loved and cared for where we feel sympathy and a liking. Conversely, we will also meet those whom we did not care for. Perhaps this gentleman was someone Rimba must have loved in a previous lifetime.
As children grow older their visions and soul sensitivity decrease because, among others, their parents and other elders discourage it as “wild imaginations”, and their innocence has been lessened because they have learnt about many unpleasant things in this world, watching death, vengeance and people injuring people on TV for example. If we had young children – we are now past that stage – we would not discourage their visions because we are now wiser and smarter and because we have had 35 years of parenting. If only we had that 35 years of parenting experience when we first started when we were youngsters of 22 and 23 years og age ...
Thinking and talking only about pleasant ... and irrelevant things in life?
We usually never think why are we on this material earthly dimension, and never think why we may have to go through trials, physical pain, and mental devastation. Apparently it is so that we can learn a new experience. And believe me losing a child, especially an adult child, is a very new, enlightening and a very devastating experience. Enlightening because it forced us to open our eyes to the actual purposes of life. Pain is the best teacher. We will never forget it. Pleasure? We forget it the next day.
We only think about the pleasant things in life, which is very reasonable for young people starting off in life: making money, lots of it whenever possible, while others preferred careers. Then having pets and the other enjoyable things in life; going out with friends, partying, taking trips gallivanting all over the the place (the world if one can afford it; at the local park if one cannot); live in one’s own huge multi-million dollar homes, own land and other properties if one became lucky enough; drive fast sports cars and even big bikes which cost as much as a sedan each. In short, just to enjoy life ... because that is what life is all about, isn’t it?
If only someone 35 years ago told us that life is not about what 90% of what people and the world’s yuppies think life is about ... that it is not about the weather; that so-and-so got a promotion and changed jobs, that so-and-so has the flu ... irrelevant, small talk that is forgotten the next day that 95% of people talk about ... if only we had the wisdom of 35 years of parenting, that besides the fun and games, there are very likely the painful experiences ... and if we had some capability of transferring this wisdom back in time to ourselves when we were only just kids in our mid 20s and then on to our mid 40s ... we would be better prepared mentally – even if these devastating events did happen.
For one thing, we will strive harder to become better and more thoughtful parents; for example, not to treat lightly the results of Cyrus’ x-rays 2.5 years ago when a small speck on his left lung showed up. So when tragedy happened and Cyrus passed away because of a lung illness–even though his short life may have been pre-destined, we know, deep down, we did our best by taking care and paying attention to this little thing which later devastated the whole family. Irrespective of what friends, even my own Minou, Cyrus’ Mom, said that I should not blame myself, I know as his father I could have done better.
One is not immune from life’s tragedies ...
People who do not want to know about the unpleasant things and tragedies of life – and think they are immune from it which, frankly, we were guilty of – are like people who were never hit by cancer, but only hear about cancer and probably think tragedies will never hit them. They sympathize when friends go through this disease. But we as the observer will never actually feel the pain of how it feels having this disease in one’s body, nor the pain his/her family is going through.
A tragedy can hit anyone and at any time especially when one least expect it ... a child going to school, getting a loaf of bread or pizza from the corner store ... and then, suddenly, tragedy strikes never to ever see and talk to this child again. And this, unfortunately, many people choose to forget and ignore – like once we chose to ignore.
But once this disease (or any other tragedy) hits, one can be very sure that everything, and anything, about this tragedy will be sought – through doctors’ consultations, books, traditional healers, the internet, anything – just so that the pain – and pain of bereavement – will go away... just as we are experiencing now.
I can visualize cancer pain. For five years in 1981 through 1986 I was in pain (the kind of pain when one sleeps the wrong way, blood flow is cut off, and one’s arm or leg cannot be controlled because of pins and needles. Except it was not just an arm, but my whole body from the chest down), and excruciating pain for the last one year and a half that continued on and on 24 hours a day never ceasing because a tumor had invaded my spine from the center of my skull to under my should blades. The numbness was such that when I stepped into nails and glass shreds, or if a drill bit pierced my finger I did not feel it. I did not even have the strength to pull an attaché cart (the kind one takes into a plane). I walked like a drunk because I could not control my legs, and if someone bumped into me in the mall I would go sprawling down. I was aware that I would be paralyzed if I did not do something about it. But what is this “something” because no one knew what the cause was?
To visualize being paralyzed when one was in the prime of one’s life (39 through 44 years of age) and seeing the world go by and be unable to participate in it was haunting me each hour of my life at that time. It was a feeling of hopelessness one would not want to experience. It was better to be dead. At least one knows when it is was time to go and end all this pain. In the last one month of the fifth year a nerve expert in Jakarta discovered the reasons for my pain and numbness. For the last 5 years the doctors–even after a regular quarterly yearly check ups which included the Air Force medical facilities which had the latest in everything because at that time the AF with (the US’) NASA was preparing Dr. Pratiwi Soedarmono, as Indonesia’s chosen astronaut–could not see the tumor inside my vertebrae (because they did not look for it). I was however cured after a 5 hour spine operation done by 4 doctors who had to carefully navigate into my spine.
Sometimes, the tragedy of cancer pain is so devastating physically, the sufferer just wants to end it, and never mind what society’s traditional beliefs and what the different Holy Books of the world’s great religions say about suicide.
And now as bereaved parents we had no idea that we would feel the same way ... that we want to end our lives, too.
Why? Because the mental pain of someone we truly love leaving us is such that it is literally eating into us, not unlike a cancer sufferer’s physical pain ... and in this pain, sometimes we cannot breathe; cannot control our voice, we shake, and sometimes tremble not with fear because of a ghost, but because of an indescribable event deep down in our minds that won’t go away. And I am unable to sleep, and stay awake every other day until 5 to 6 o’clock in the mornings, and then maybe sleep for two or three hours; and sometimes cannot sleep for a whole 24 hours. It was during such times that I poured my pain in these pages.
And when I reflect on the dangers of being a former field operative (as dramatized in James Bond movies), and the fear of doing assignments and failing in communist countries, this fear is nothing compared to the trembling of losing one’s own child. Fear in doing the operative’s job? Ofcourse, one is always afraid of being killed or blown to pieces in some land mine, thrown in jail as a spy, or whatever that comes with this kind of territory. But one can, to a certain extent, control this fear. And those who do similar jobs and claim they are not afraid, are either very stupid or do not know what they are in for – and operatives, especially those “self-sufficient” ones needed to finish off 3 previous failed missions in Soviet controlled East Germany – are usually not stupid). But this devastation and trembling that comes when one loses an adult child and friend, one cannot control it.
Sleeping pills? It doesn’t work. Up the dosage and I get a fantastic headache the next day, and tears just run down both our faces for no apparent reason, be it in the privacy of our home, in the sidewalk or in the middle of hundreds of complete strangers in some mall as soon as we see something to trigger it ... not just once, but many times a day. All this not for just a week, but months after that. But perhaps we will be luckier than the mother who emailed us that she had to be under the doctor’s care and medication for a year and half ...
If someone told us that we would be open to suicide if we lost Cyrus or our other children, we would probably think this person must be mad. If only in our mid 50s we could go back in time and tell our younger selves in their 20s and 40s ... we would have believed, and because of this 35 year wisdom, redirect our priorities in our lives.
And one’s life achievements, such as: one must meet such-and such to get the contract, to get the promotion, and everything else that comes with doing these daily things, including the likes of losing one’s multi-million dollar home, one’s job, are nothing – are insignificant compared to what one must go through when one loses one’s child. And ... we went through and experienced all these.
Changing Priorities because of the lessons of pain
When one’s child passes away our priorities change, whether consciously, or unconsciously. We now know that life is no longer about careers, making more money, being the best doctor or singer in town, or living a good life. Naturally, we all need the basic necessities of life. But all the material things and goals we strive for beyond basic necessities? It can go away, if we are given the choice of choosing one or the other. Once one goes through them, like we have gone through them, those things – the money, the supersports cars, the huge houses, the failures and victories in our lives, the accolades in the end mean nothing. We now know that life is about loving those ones we care for: one’s children, one’s spouse as the person next closest to you, and others nearest you.
While we have many well-meaning folks who tell us, “we can feel what you feel...”, the reality though is very, very different. Why? Because before we were an observer, an outsider looking in from the outside at parents grieving for their child but who have never felt the actual pain of losing our child. When we saw two of our acquaintances loose their child a few years ago Minou, Cyrus’ mother had some tears for their mothers, and I had none–just a thought, what a pity or how terrible. And that was it! This was, probably, the typical reaction of most people. And we were like most people.
Now that we are in it by experiencing the loss of our own child, it does not even come close to any pain that we imagined and thought about when we were witnessing the pain of our acquaintances.
When it happened to us, we had no idea of the devastation! It was some a 1,000 times more painful than in our wildest imagination, tears 10 times a day for Minou especially remembering those same places where Cyrus used to take her, and seeing young men of Cyrus’ age with his usual haircut and thoughts of “if my boy was still around”, and my voice breaking whenever I talk about him and tears pouring down my face.
Before his death, I could never imagine what kind of pain could make us cry 10 times a day – be it the passing away of my own dear parents which I experienced who made a lot of sacrifices for us especially during World War II in the ’40s when we were still helpless babies; the death of my own sister, the deaths of grandparents, of aunts and uncles, cousins, of friends who died of cancer, of heart attacks (including one who passed away a couple days ago as I am writing out this webpage); and the loss of much less significant things like losing one’s job, one’s business, one’s money – whatever, which we can always recover.
What will make one cry ... 10 times a day?
Can you, as an observer, imagine what would most likely make you cry 10 times a day? Think about it for a moment. No? I guess it would be very hard. We could not either ... at that time. I certainly could not imagine ... especially with my previous experience as an operative in communist East Germany. I thought I was immune. I knew–at that time anyway–I was reputedly to be cold, unemotional and unfeeling even among family and friends which is nothing to be proud of. And I certainly was not a crybaby, and in my adult life could remember crying only once, and that was when my Mother passed away in London in 1966. After Cyrus passed away, and although we both tried to smile and make out as if life is the same, the pain and sadness still showed in Minou’s eyes (Top left photo). Had I become a softie? I doubt it; I have instead learned to love. And that’s why I can cry 10 times a day when this loved one is no longer there.
Bereaved parents are willing to trade all for the child’s life, including thoughts of giving up one’s life. This, of-course, assumes the parents truly love the child because, unfortunately, not all parents love their child.
And as the word “love” is such a loose expression, let us define in this context and agree on what the definition of “loving a child” (or a spouse) is: the parent (or any other non-blood related, non-parent adult) willing to take the place of a kidnapped or a sick child, and the consequences that may come with it (or similar life-threathening situations), including death. And if God allowed trading, the bereaved parent will trade their life for their child’s. In short, the parent or non-related person is willing to trade all. That, is as good a definition of what loving your child is about – to give all, even your own life.
But if I, as a parent, am suffering a debilitating and fatal disease, I would not trade my life for my child’s and prefer to agonize though it all until I die. I would not even accept an organ transplant from my child who may have an extra one to spare. But bereaved parents, unlike the fatal cancer sufferer, are fortunate in that these thoughts about giving up one’s life will eventually go away as time goes by and their rationality begins to take hold. Some, as a person emailed us, required a year and a half medical treatment as her mental anguish must have taken its toll on her physical well being. Also, most bereaved parents still manage to have their faculties intact although it was crushed by the loss of a child, and can still manage–like us–to consider the consequences of suicide towards their other loved ones. The bereaved is fortunate not to go through constant physical pain of a fatal disease sufferer.
People, authors who write about ADCs or “after death communications” and NDEs quoting the thousands of stories by people who went through their experiences, say that the worst devastation any human can ever feel is the loss of a child. The second, is the loss of a spouse. I have lost a sister, my Mother and my Father and therefore can make the comparison and would agree with that observation.
As much as I love my parents and my departed sister, the pain and devastation of losing our Cyrus is much greater. Our grieving for our parents are probably not as deep because unconsciously, deep down in our hearts, we knew they lived their lives and, as my departed Father conveyed to his children, he was tired of living and did not have the will to live any longer.
The head nurse, a Swedish lady, of the MMC Metropolitan Medical Center where Cyrus passed away, one of dozens of Jakarta’s hospitals, hugged Minou when we walked into the hospital’s lobby 10 days later for some unfinished business. Yet, we had only known her for just over two weeks. After the pleasantries and condolences, Minou then asked her, “You must be accustomed to seeing people dying everyday.” “Oh yes,” she replied, “We see older people die and it’s normal, but we still cannot accept the death of a young person. It is even very hard for us in this hospital to see Cyrus die,” she said. Even she who is accustomed to often see people die, and a complete stranger whom we met not more than 4 or 5 times and who met Cyrus and talked to him during her routine rounds over a 17 day period, had tears in her eyes.
Of the dozens of friends, acquaintances, business associates, and even friends of friends, who experienced the passing away of their child was one person whom we recently got to know–a friend of a friend–since Cyrus passed away on January 28th., 1999 who experienced the death of her own child, a child who was not a baby, not a teenager, but a young man, too – of 26 years. All she could say was, “I know .... I know .... ” while hugging us with tears running down her face. She, who went through the same experience, already knew that words could not describe it. Her devastation was even greater than ours, because one year after her son’s death, she lost her husband too.
She felt what we felt: “Bereaved parents are like those whose house was burning. They were in it; were badly burnt and injured, but they survived with burnt pains. But the observer only feels the heat – will never feel the pain of those who were burnt, no matter how hard they try to imagine the pain”.
Then there was the story of an acquaintance who was so upset with the death of his son, he insisted on spending the nights by his son’s graveyard. His relatives had to keep him company, so they pitched a tent and he held on for 3 days and nights. Another was the story of a dollar multi millionaire who offered all his material wealth and his life to his God if He would let his son who was sick in the hospital live. His son died. All the material comforts of his life in the end meant nothing to him, as it also means nothing to us now.
But if we could convey some of these lessons and wisdom of life to some other youngsters just starting their lives in these web pages and elsewhere, who are right in the middle of it like our son, Arto, 32, our 35 years of parenting and what we have learnt then does not become useless. Because like him, he will watch out and heed the lessons learnt by his parents, by his father in particular. And if I, as his father, can contribute and convey some of these lessons we learned to my Son or others, perhaps what we experienced may better prepare any parents about the possibilities that life is not all fun and games, but also about taking care–including minor details like a small speck in one’s body–and loving those near you (Arto, with his sons, grandsons Rimba and Samudra, 1999).
Conveying lessons ...
Is Cyrus Okay?
Because of this particular anguish, we therefore devote some time to seek answers on the whys of this suffering.
We seek this because we as his parents, like any other parent, want to know “Is Cyrus–or any other departed child–okay?”, “Are there ‘people’ taking care of him in that dimension?” To us parents, this is very, very important as any parent will tell you.
Click the banner and see what God says about our children ...
Deep down I know he’s okay because 18 hours after his death, he smiled, a subdued mona-lisa type smile. It was by any standard a miracle, religious or otherwise. His smile was a vivid example of a physical ADCs witnessed by dozens of people. We have had many ADCs with him after that. We even had an ADC from his Guardian described below.
But his ADCs are giving us a “left hanging in the air” feeling. I give you an analogy: it’s like going to the hospital and visiting one’s loved one, and the doctors tell you: “He’s is okay, but ... you cannot enter his room.”
That’s not good enough for most people because one would like to go in and see and talk to the patient – at the very least to look at the sleeping patient for oneself. Try it out one day, and walk out of the hospital without seeing the patient, especially if the patient is a loved one, and knowing it’s pointless because it’s impossible to enter that room in the hospital (because it is in spiritual dimension). That’s how bereaved parents feel.
Like anyone visiting the hospital I want to be sure, and only my eyes (and ears) will convince me. It’s not that I doubt the doctors, or the Holy Books, but it’s human nature: I would like to go in to Cyrus’ room, see with my own eyes, and even talk to him, to make sure he’s okay! Then, our grieving will be so much lessened and we won’t feel so much being left hanging in the air.
For the bereaved parents, the analogy of “doctors” are the world’s holy books, the Bible, the Koran, etc.; even our very own ADCs experiences with Cyrus; the experiences of other bereaved parents like Teresa Stevens, and Sharon; and books like Talking to Heaven and Reaching to Heaven by James van Praagh, a well known medium recounting what is probably thousands of stories whom we saw twice in 1999 alone in CNN’s Larry King Live viewed in some 210 countries who demonstrated his ability– live– for one hour each time to talk to departed souls at the surprise, the confirmations and comfort of his callers. Another is Hello from Heaven by Judy and Bill Guggenheim and Dr. Lauren Thibodeau who is working on a follow up of Hello to Heaven with Judith Guggenheim, and another by Edgar Cayce who documented and cross-referenced over 14,000 cases of reincarnation. They all say our departed ones are “okay”.
Opening New Dimensions because of pain
Since he passed away some 75 days ago we've had positive and encouraging experiences which convince us that Cyrus is not “dead” but alive and is “communicating” with us just as if he was in this dimension. (Cyrus at 15½ years of age)
Bear in mind and I say it again that, in our particular case, we are forced to seek answers: whether there are other dimensions, and whether one’s soul returns to re-learn old lessons or learns new lessons of life, which we believe. We are forced to seek these answers because of bereavement, and to make sense what is the purpose of all this sadness, and of life because anguish makes one learn.
An observer will open a new dimension of knowledge within him/her, when and if they feel the pain, when and if they experience the same event of either cancer sufferer, or that of a bereaved parent. “You and I do not see things as they are. We see things as we are. (Herb Cohen).”
And ... we are what we are because of our individual experiences, and because of our different and unique “knowledge” and “experience base” of a particular event. It is safe to say that if different persons experience the same event, even the non-believers because of their inexperience, will very likely share the same opinion when they are exposed to the same experience. It’s like the child told not to put his hands on a burning candle because it will hurt. Once he puts his hands on that flame because of inexperience, his knowledge and experience base becomes the same as that of the teller: it hurts. Our ADCs with Cyrus is akin to this candle analogy – that is, you will believe as we do now, like the child who put his hands on that flame, when you experience it because no amount of talking to an inexperienced child (an inexperienced adult, too, for that matter) will convince anyone unless this person experiences it ... and unless one’s experience base is changed because of a new experience.
Cyrus and his Guardian’s ADCs with us
Cyrus’ Mom has had many after death communications with him:
(1) while Minou was grieving at his grave on the 3rd. day thinking about her son in the ground, all dark, cold and alone and then suddenly a voice, loud and clear telling her “Don't cry Mom. It's not me down there. Iam up here, standing right next to you.” (Right photo after maintenance placed grass patches and planted flowers at his grave as per our instructions).
(2) Telling her not to wear black on the 3rd. day while dressing herself for the communal prayers at home “I don't like to see you in black, Mom”. So, she wears a white blouse, and his comment was “that's better...”.
Islamic communal prayers are conducted where neighbours, friends and 30 or so prayer folks from the Mosque come to the house of the deceased and are done on the 1st. day, the 7th., the 40th., (March 8th.), the 100th. (May 7th., 1999) and the 1,000th. days of the passing away. The 2nd. and 3rd. days are optional which we also conducted for Cyrus. (Communal prayers on the 40th. day, a section picturing the women where more than 100 persons attended spilling over to the dining and living rooms & terrace and front living room behind the camera man).
(3) Days later on one of many occasions when Minou was trying to get away from home as friends tried to take her out and entertain her because of the many memories Cyrus left in our house, Cyrus was asking her, “where are you going Mom? I don't want you to go out, otherwise you will forget about me”.
She replied, “I can’t bear to stay at home, Cyrus, you know how painful it is for Mummy”, and his reply was, “You can go out after 75 days...” (that will fall on April 12). “How can I ever forget about you, Cyrus?” she replied.
Yes, how can we ever forget about him? He was for 25 years a good part of our lives, a part of ourselves. We still do not know where Cyrus got the figure “75 days” from. The number 75 was not in our “vocabulary” of events shared by his parents (for instance it is not an Islamic commemoration date of his death, or a future event which he planned, or even a favourite number). After 3 days of trying to figure out where and how he came out with that figure (Minou is always very good with figures, and can calculate a 100 item groceries list without a calculator, remember a stranger’s birthdate, what she even wore 25 years ago, etc.), she finally gave up. He didn’t usually show this kind of “selfishness” to his Mom of not allowing her to go out, or “command” her to do anything, so it was a different part of his character he never showed his parents. This part of his being–aside from the 75 days–was “new” to us which his spirit conveyed to us.
(4) Another “command” was: “Wear my favourite necklace, Mom” (for the 40th. day commemoration), to which Minou replied “I thought you took it and lost it. I looked for it once but couldn’t find it.”, and he replied “No, it's not lost. Look again, it's there in your jewel case under ... ”, and sure enough when she looked inside the place where he told her to look, she found his gold necklace, hidden under the bottom of a small drawer in her jewel box and wore it! When she met the 100-plus guests, friends and the prayer folks and head of our local district, she told them openly Cyrus told her to wear his necklace! She mentioned it just as if he was alive and telling her to wear it.
So we know he is okay. These ADCs were when Minou was wide awake, getting dressed, at home or in the car, in public places and at the grave site, in the mornings, afternoons and nightimes, not while asleep.
(5) I had one direct ADC when 2 days after his passing away, Cyrus woke me early at 6 o’clock in the morning by telling me clear as a bell, “Daddy, Yayu took your university ring and two of your watches”. He would sometimes do this to me (to suddenly wake me up) when he needed to borrow or ask for something early in the morning, except that I couldn’t see him and heard him only in my head. But I sure woke up from a deep sleep because of exhaustion of the past days’ events, just as if he shook me awake. Yayu was a former washer woman, one of many servants whom we cannot accuse of stealing because not all are thieves, who used to work in our house a year ago (over a year and a half period I lost 6 watches in all and a 1964 U.S. university ring which I got when I was a Fulbright scholar) and she came voluntarily to our house from his first day to help out with dish and clothes washing, ironing, house cleaning, etc. because of the dozens of mourners who came for 7 straight days. His ADC woke me up just as if he physically walked in and sat on my bed like he used to do – like in real life I would have my eyes closed, half awake and his real voice would talk to me, except I couldn’t see him. Yayu taking my things was new information to me because we must have had at least a half a dozen servants we could think of who may have taken it.
One thing I noticed about our ADCs, I could not decide whether he spoke (thought) to me in English or Indonesian. I knew his ADC about my ring and the name Yayu was that thought, but I could not determine the actual language it was spoken in although it was clear as a bell. Out of curiosity I asked his mother about their many ADCs and the language he used, and she thought about it and said, “I don’t know. I couldn’t think what language he used. But I think to him in English.”
(6) Minou a day later in one of their ADCs asked him, “how come you can tell Daddy who took his ring and watch, but you can’t tell me who took my small diamond ear rings?”.
And he replied: “Mom, I can only read the minds of those who enter the house. The person who took them hasn’t entered the house.”
This information was again new knowledge to us. It certainly was not in our knowledge and experience base at that time, i.e. the departed can read one’s mind, and the person who took it never re-entered the house.
(7) 24 days after his death, on Sunday, the 21st. of February, at 3 a.m. Cyrus’ mom experienced an ADC – this time not from Cyrus, but from his “guardian”. She suddenly woke up, wide awake, then sat up wondering what suddenly woke her up. While sitting up wide awake, she then heard a voice which said to her:“I am Cyrus’ Guardian. Cyrus is very happy here. Because he was such a short time in your world, there are so many people whom he knew who are still here, and who have not left. They all like him here and are his friends because he was a nice person, not nasty.(a) There are points in our minds which are important: “tell his father he should not hold himself responsible...”.
“Tell his father he should not hold himself responsible and feel that he didn't do enough. People are the way they are; like his father is the way he is. Cyrus was the way he was, and no matter what his father did, he could not change him. His father could not change his destiny.
“For you (addressing Minou), you will join Cyrus much sooner than you think. Do not think of your fears because if you think about it, it will happen.”
No one at that time on the 28th. of January on the date of his passing away knew I held myself responsible. I hadn’t quite articulated and ‘analyzed’ my feelings yet. Just a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that was just emerging, that in this life time his presence was a test for me personally when I was sobbing my heart out to myself in some back corner of my living room while covering my face for failing him for not doing enough for my boy (for not taking proper attention to Cyrus’ lung spots, for example). Except for Arsineh an Iranian and someone else, both Minou’s friends, who were moments later trying very hard to comfort me. And no one, except my wife – at that time – knew that I was pouring my grief into these web pages where I blamed myself in a kind of sin of omission.
Unlike many people who experience ADCs, or other unexplainable private phenomena, to us his Guardian’s message was real, like the mother above whose NDE with her unborn son was real to her. And what is important, in this instance, it is what the experiencers believe.
And if ever you feel you had an ADC, what is important is this experience was real enough to you because you cannot share this experience with someone else. Even someone close to you – unless two or more persons see an image ADC of a departed one at the same time. Just like the dozens of mourners who saw Cyrus’ smile 18 hours after passing away.
These ADCs with our Son were new knowledge about the afterlife which Cyrus conveyed to us, for instance he can read people’s mind who enter our house, and which we certainly did not know anything about, not even from reading about other folks’ ADCs in those books mentioned above. Also, the other folks ADCs do not recount of a soul’s ability to read the earthly being’s mind; it conveys its messages through the mediums, and they in turn transfers it to their loved ones. But apparently, we can have direct communications with our loved ones in the other dimension if only we are willing to go through the effort of taking the time of learning it.
(b) Telling Cyrus’ mother that “...you will join Cyrus much sooner than you think...”, and
(c) “Do not think about your fears ... because it will happen”, a thought vocabulary and knowledge base that is completely alien to us.
Laila, our 33 year old daughter whose birthdate is the same as Cyrus’ on the 9th. of November but 8 years apart, asked her Mom: “Mom, are you sure it was not your imagination?” To which her Mom replied, “Well, what awakened me was like the person was right there in front of me, I looked around and Daddy was fast asleep, so he didn’t wake me. Then I heard this voice. Besides, there were new information about me joining Cyrus sooner than I expect, and not to think about my fears. I never even thought about my fears, much less about joining him sooner.” Click here also what “imagination” really is.
You know the feeling when you are thinking of someone and then a few seconds later the phone rings and he/she is on the other end; or someone is looking at you from behind and then suddenly you turn around and see this person staring at you, all because of some mental communications.
(d) The statement by his Guardian: “... no matter what his father did, he could not change him. His father could not change his destiny.” We found out later on, apparently the majority of Moslems (and Indonesia is the world’s largest Moslem country with a 210 million population, and it is a secular state, not a Moslem country like Iran and Pakistan) believe that one’s destiny has already been pre-determined before one enters into the earthly dimension.
His pre-destined life was apparently foreseen by a Tehrani fortune teller two and a half years ago when she told Cyrus that “when you reach the age of 25, everything will change for you for the better. You will no longer any problems, life will be so wonderful for you and you will no longer suffer.” Minou who was a listener did not realize then that what she, the fortune teller, meant was he was going to pass away and go to Heaven. This person, a woman of 35 lives in Grand Mom’s Iran Malek’s house, so everyone knew her well. Minou later on told me that people who can see in the future do not foresee passing away, and even if they did, they would not tell you. Another seer in Tehran also told Cyrus the same thing, and another in Jakarta saw the same future events, but later told a friend who accompanied Minou when she was not around that “I really feel for that poor Mother”, but no elaborating on what she meant. Only 35 years of parenting and after experiencing what death is, will people be able to read in between the lines.
By being unable to “...change his destiny” one’s life therefore was pre-determined, not haphazardly, without any pre-ordained plan. If my Catholic and Protestant lessons learnt in Rome, Canada and the U.S. in the 1950s and Sunday Schools years later on were correct, I believe these religions also convey more or less the same message of pre-ordination.
Readings by dozens of mediums capable of bridging the other dimension, also convey the same thing by the thousands of spirits who have been able to bridge the communications gap that their life, or to-be-learnt experiences on this earth, were pre-ordained. Pre-ordination includes death through illness, through a tragic accident, and even group deaths like in an airplane crash.
Lastly, from a purely “logical” point of view in this earthly dimension, one does not haphazardly enter any old classroom, and just learn “any old thing”. One plans for it, to study the English language for instance. It is usually not done just for fun, but for a specific reason, and then learns it, usually to better one’s self. And again, pain and suffering are the determining factors because they will always make us remember.
The mental pain of a very good and dear friend of ours who is being cured of her cancer is a good example where her mental pain (the prospect of leaving her husband and her two good looking young women daughters) made her sit up and pay attention to her health thereafter. She would not think of shaping up if she only had a tummy ache.
One can still exercise his God-given ability to choose to learn or not to learn. But each one of us are on this earthly dimension to teach ourselves the “experiences” of what we had been pre-ordained to learn, and apparently at the same time, we enter into this world and “learn” together with the other souls who will then play a part in these lessons like, one supposes, with the other students in the same class.
So the earthly Minou, who comes from Iran, and I from a completely different part of the world, had agreed between ourselves (with the guardians) in the spiritual dimension that we have to learn this devastation of losing our Cyrus. Cyrus ... well, he played the part of our son in what is then an earthly stage of life just like in a Broadway stage, acted out between actors and actresses for this purpose. He must have been very dear to us in the spiritual dimension, and perhaps even in previous lifetimes, to be able to affect us so much.
Perhaps also, as a side benefit (if one can call it that) I then have to pour my grief on webpages which, hopefully, would be able to touch some people ... for not attempting to commit suicide, for example because there is hope.
Bear in mind also, that in the spiritual dimension the physical distances between Iran and Indonesia are non existent as a material world is not spiritual characteristic. Cyrus, I understand, can be talking to us face to face at the same table (so to speak), with Minou on Cyrus’ left in Tehran and I in Jakarta.
So, although in this earthly dimension we are separated by thousands of miles some 35 years ago, but “destiny” of physically meeting because this world is the size of a coffee table, had propelled us to meet in London. It was not haphazard.
If, for some reason, I got killed in East Germany as an operative, the killer would have my karma on him, (for any action there is the counter reaction, or as the Bible and Koran say an eye for an eye) for interfering with my pre-ordained plans to rescue this woman scientist (who failed 3 times with other operatives) who, in turn, had some other pre-ordained plan in the fulfillment of her life to take place later on in west Germany (probably to save people’s life in her profession, for example) and then in the U.S.A. (where she is a U.S. citizen now).
Not only that, Laila, Arto, Cyrus and the grandchildren would not have been born to fulfill their life experiences. And I have a deep down sneaking suspicion that my son, Arto and grandsons, have to achieve something of a great nature for Indonesia, i.e. to contribute in placing Indonesia where it should belong as the 4th. largest country in the world after the U.S.A., and not be an unknown entity–except when there are riots and other disturbances only.
We are one and the same as told my those thousands of souls who bridge the dimensions; and by what the Holy Books say because we are God’s children. It must mean, therefore, that our lives are interconnected like Laila, Arto and Cyrus’ lives are interconnected because they came from the same parents.
We are aware of this soul interconnection when we are in the other dimension because our consciousness is greatly expanded. Here ofcourse, as we all know, we can become enemies simply because of different beliefs and even different color skins ... like Laila and Cyrus, for example, might become enemies simply because Laila likes to wear somber colors t-shirts while Cyrus likes a different color which is not even worth talking about and much less get upset over it. And he kills her simply because of a difference of opinion, which is very silly when we are in the spiritual dimension.
(e) The Guardian’s statement “Do not think of your fears because if you think about it, it will happen” confirms that thought matters. Thought is tangible because it will move the universal powers (God) to execute the thought into reality. This as we all know happens in prayers, and the prayers that ask for miracles and for healing, and the modernistic “think positive” of today’s world.
Change your mind-set, and your life will change accordingly. This, too, has been confirmed by the souls capable of communicating with both mediums and their loved ones. I give you an example: if a thief enters your house and you cower in the dark, the thief will toss you around like a rag doll. But if you fight back–because you have a mind set to fight back–you will live and the thief will regret having entered your house. This is what I learnt from the day I was an operative until now.
But unless we experience a personal anguish and have been told by a spiritual Guardian, we would never really understand the significance that thought is tangible because personal pain gives life to an otherwise bland and generalized knowledge that is frequently quoted in many of the world’s major religions but its significance not always properly understood..
(8) Yayo’ ADC
Another ADC happened to Yayo, my daughter's 34 year old male friend, who assisted in the ceremonial and actual cleansing of my boy’s remains as per Moslem rituals (i.e. besides the actual bathing, food remains are ejected from the top and bottom of remains; thereafter wrapped in white clothe without any external accessories of any kind). (Left photo, the day of the burial, Laila, Dad & Mom contemplating his life, our lives and why death at such a young age after the majority of mourners left. The flowers sent for him were piled higher than the grave’s wooden marker. It comforted us to to know that many loved him. Arto, Cyrus’ older brother, (right photo) was in New York and arrived in Jakarta for 4 days for the 40th. day commemoration on March 8th.).
At first, Yayo did not tell us about his ADC communications because he was not sure how we would take it. A day later, he told Laila, who then passed on this ADC information to us a few days later because she didn’t want to disturb us. I then insisted on talking to Yayo myself, and a few days later after grilling him with all kinds of questions, he told me as follows:
“It was around 2 in the morning, Saturday (30th. Jan. 1999, a day after we buried Cyrus) my lights were off, and I was just drifting off to sleep, after (a hectic day at) your house (communal prayers on the 1st, 2nd and 3rd, and later on for the 7th. day) when suddenly in the dark, I felt Cyrus. I turned around slightly and saw an image of Cyrus’ face in the dark, behind me not clear, but definitely Cyrus,” he said.
Cyrus was holding him in a “hug” from the back, and Cyrus held him for a long time, “over 1 hour or so”, he said. At first he was apprehensive Yayo said for hugging him a long time. Because he knew Cyrus, he was not worried, he said. “How did this hug feel?” I asked. “Just like a hug. I let him hug me, and then as I was about to fall asleep an hour or so later, he left.”
Cyrus did not communicate anything to him but in his mind he “felt” Cyrus was “thanking” Yayo for all the help he gave his family. Because there was no actual word communications, Yayo felt perhaps there was something else that Cyrus wanted to tell him, because Yayo felt there was no need for Cyrus to thank him as it was what he could do for Laila’s family. So, Yayo decided that perhaps there was something wrong with his grave. “It may have caved in,” he said to me. (Remains are lain on the side facing the right wall of the grave, and 2 centimeter [about ¾ inch] planks throughout its length are then placed between the left side floor and halfway up the wall on the right on top of the remains. There is then some space between the remains and the earth on top, and the possibility of it caving in if the planks did not hold the earth on top).
So the next day, Yayo told Laila he wanted to go to Cyrus’ grave and would she accompany him, and Laila telling me of her intentions I too, went to Cyrus’ grave. A fleeting thought did enter my mind “how come Yayo wants to go back to the grave”, but I dismissed it with the thought maybe Laila wants to see her brother’s grave and Yayo was being nice by driving her there. I went there because I missed him as I had no reference point except for his grave. Cyrus’ mom was too upset to look at his grave again so she stayed home. But I never thought for a moment at the time that Yayo who drove us there in his car went to “inspect” the grave. (Left photo taken by Laila when Yayo went to “inspect” Cyrus’ grave).
Because Yayo is a traditional and “literal” Moslem who believes that the soul goes straight to God and not return to earth for “visits”, I then told him there are “millions of people” who experience ADCs, hundreds of books written on them, and what he experienced was quite “normal”. Some U.S. researchers, I told him from their opinions, estimate that some 50% of the American population believe in ADCs (from departed children, spouses, parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, friends even acquaintances who ask that their message be passed on to their loved ones. Iam quoting the American experience because these folks seem to seek answers like these and, besides, it’s now an effort to read books and other literature in the other languages that I used to speak). But most of them do not tell outsiders about it for fear of being accused of having an overactive imagination or even being ridiculed.
He then recounted he read something about NDEs and ADCs and was wondering about it. “Did you believe that it was Cyrus hugging you?” I asked. “Yes, it was him,” he said definitely. “Then you experienced his communications.” I added: “And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise because they have not experienced what you felt.”
A “belief”, the kind that one’s childhood experiences and one’s environment experience through education and through reading of the Holy Books, is precisely that: a belief.
This belief is there because it has been indoctrinated to us by our environment, by our parents, by our teachers and our peers. Like I said at the above introduction, it is “by reading” (the different Holy Books, for example) about something that one develops a specific belief mind-set. For example, a typical Moslem belief mind-set is that the spirit leave this world when one passes away and do not come for “visits”. Those that convey messages are “genies” (jins in the Koran), or even the “devil”.
But when one is in pain, and there is enough anguish that it can literally kill you, it does not matter whether a genie made Cyrus smile 18 hours after his death, or that it was a genie (or even the devil) that conveyed the message that Yayu took my watches and ring.
Besides, why should it not be that Cyrus himself made his own remains smile? Why should it not be that Cyrus himself who conveyed the message that Yayu stole this and that? Why not? Isn’t his spirit “more perfect” and more Holy than the genie’s and even the angels or devil because he is after-all God’s child as stated in the different Holy Books? While the genie, the angel and the devil are only, after-all, God’s “helper” as stated in these Books?
So because we are God’s children, I do not hold to the premise that when an ADC is conveyed to us allegedly from Cyrus that it is the work of the devil or some genie. He is God’s child, and therefore has more heavenly and holistic qualities than the so-called genie or devil, or even angel.
Besides, if the human spirit–God’s child–was not worthy enough to have, the devil would not persistently go after it and try to keep him. One does not dominate something which is less than oneself.
(9) Because of Cyrus’ memories in our home which continued to hurt his Mother, we all agreed that she should go away for awhile to Tehran. I had to stay in Jakarta for some unfinished affairs. On her way halfway to Dubai which is in one of the stopovers and to visit Mami, one of her younger brothers, she suddenly had a very strong feeling of Cyrus’ presence right next to her in the plane where the only other passenger was sitting. As soon as she felt him, she thought (talked) to him, “I miss you darling...” and he replied “I also miss you very much Mom.” but by using the Javanese word “kangen” (I miss you). While Minou knows that Javanese word “kangen”, it is not part of her daily vocabulary because she always spoke English to him, and maybe once in awhile in Indonesian (the Javanese and Indonesian languages are as different as French and Italian). Certainly not in Javanese. It was the first time, and the only word he thought to her, that was in Javanese. Naturally, she started crying silent tears again feeling her son close to her.
(10) One early Thursday morning about 2 o’clock in Tehran, Cyrus’ grand mom Iran Malek got up, went to a table with Cyrus’ photo in her hallway, paused and started saying prayers for him. (Thursday was the day of the week of his passing away, and in the Moslem religion all Thursdays is an auspicious day). Then as she finished she glanced into a room near that table and she saw Cyrus lying on the bed that he slept in when he was there two years ago. She was surprised to see him there. When he saw her come in, he sat up and Grand Mom asked him, “Cyrus, you are here?”
“Yes Mother I came to visit you.” (Her children, and grandchildren, both address her as “mother”).
“You are speaking Persian to me,” she asked surprised.
And he replies: “Of course I speak Persian Mother. I always understood Persian.”
“But you never spoke Persian to me before.”
“I know, but I could understand everything you and Mummy talked about. But I just didn’t let on.”
Then she woke up. Grand Mom said, “My God,” she said to Minou later on, “I thought he was really here. It was so real,” she said. Cyrus’ communications with his Grand Mom must have been like when he shook me awake to tell me that Yayu took my watches and my ring. It was very real to me, and it must have been very real to his Grand Mom.
And now as a spiritual being, he can understand all languages.
Whenever you think of your departed, he/she is there with you
The spiritual medium of communications is thought. A prayer is also thought. Because thought is intangible it does not mean it does not moves things. Like thinking of a breakfast of toast and jam, and then finally eating it. It all comes from thought.
Thought is mental telepathy among people who have been living together for a long time, like Minou and I have lived together for 35 years. Even among friends when we think about them, then the phone rings and there they are on the other side of the line. We humans in this earthly dimension therefore can penetrate this dense material dimension through an intangible medium of communications and experience this mental communications many times. One can be sure therefore that if one can “communicate” with an earthly being, you can be sure you can communicate with the spiritual being through this intangible form of communications.
Whenever you think about your departed loved ones, you can be absolutely sure this loved one is right there listening to you. Indeed, there is no telephone ringing and and no auditory signal that tell you that your departed one is on the other side of the line. But if you had this experience of thinking about someone and this someone either knocks on your front door, sends a fax, or a letter, or gets a message to you through some other means, you have that mental communications capability. It is an inherent ability of the human spirit in which we are out of practice. It is not a gift.
Because physical distance (as well as physical sickness) is strictly an earthly phenomena and non existent in the spiritual realm, the departed one can arrive in a flash. Tell them what you want them to know, although I believe they already know what you want to say anyway. And ... whatever thought comes into your mind that you think comes from them, it is very likely it is the the thought that this departed one is conveying to you. Believe it.
One thing I noticed in reading about the stories of spiritual communications, spirits have a hard time penetrating our closed minds–and sometimes get very frustrated in communicating with their loved ones–either because we do not believe in mental communications, or because we think this is ridiculous. This spiritual frustration has been recounted in so many readings by these spirits.
A spirit sees you as an energy form, and around this form is an aura, according to medium James van Praagh. Inside this aura it also sees our physical body and also sees us in other levels which include our thoughts, words, deeds, feelings and health issues. The conclusions therefore are: the spirit can hear us, but we cannot hear them, unless we go through an experienced medium sensitive to the other dimension who passes their messages to us. However, we can teach ourselves to hear them if we take the time to learn.
But for the person whose mind is “closed” it is ridiculous. But then that’s why his mind is closed, until a painful event hits him like a baseball bat bashes his head, then this pain will make him sit up ... like we are now asking ourselves WHY were we hit us with this bat? But when one’s mind is open, it is enlightening because knowledge and awareness flow in. And one can learn to open one’s mind either by meditation, by taking deep breathes, and by letting go of what is in one’s mind, and relaxing. Remember, it is dependent on one’s experience base: if one visualizes but has never touched a burning candle (because everybody says it hurts), one will never know that it hurts until one is burnt by that candle!
Visualizing Cyrus’ Spirit leaving his body?
Can we, as his parents who love and miss him, visualize how his Spirit left his body? While writing this passage of this web page, and wondering how our Cyrus left his body, my reply came as a visualization of his spirit leaving through the top of his head. He was surprised and kind of expected and accepted his passing away, my head tells me. He hovered over the ceiling for just a few moments and then stood by next to his Mom while watching me, the doctor and nurses work over him.
Was this – while writing out this web page – my imagination? Perhaps. Was this an ADC? I do not know. But I do know it’s a true ADC when the information conveyed to me is beyond our known experience base. But this new visualization could be considered as a kind of ADC because I never thought of a soul leaving its body through its head. Perhaps an experienced reader reading this page could confirm or correct me by emailing me if this is how a spirit leaves its remains?
The thought about joining Cyrus “ ... much sooner than you think” as recounted by Cyrus’ guardian was a complete surprise and, frankly, something which Cyrus’ mother welcomed when she broached the idea of committing suicide when she said, “Let’s kill ourselves.”. I looked at her, saw the pain on her face, and thought about the 35 years we were together through thick and thin, then said to her: “I am open to the idea honey. But ... how about Laila, Arto ... and the 3 grandchildren? What would their parents say to their children when they ask ‘Where is Mummy and Daddy? (referring to us)’ I know our older children can take care of themselves. They don’t need us anymore. But the grandchildren all know you ... especially Rimba and Sam? And throwing our lives back into God’s face? If it wasn’t for all these consequences, okay, let’s do it. I am all for it.” But ofcourse, we hadn’t done it because thank goodness common sense, and our awareness that we still have to complete whatever it is that we have to complete, have prevailed.
Later on when I told our daughter Laila what her Mom had considered, she had tears in her eyes and told me, “We would be very upset Daddy, and very angry.” (Laila, right photo).
I also have a feeling Cyrus would be terribly unhappy, too, if we did it. And the point of all this is not to make anyone unhappy on purpose.
We Love You Son ...
Your Mother and I love You Cyrus, my Son. Your siblings love you very much. And we all miss you very much. We send prayers to you Son because we know now that as a Spiritual Being in the Other Dimension, prayers and love are what souls need to live happily. And we want you to live happily ... and we wait for the day when your Mom and your Dad will join you there.
..I hope you continue your road map.. ” www.iGrandparents.com
– the web's largest site on grandparenting:
“I looked at your
site (it was excellent) ... I hope you continue to design your great
site and continue your road map!*
Have a good day.” ... Bryan Butakis www.iGrandparents.com•
*Road map is a reference on real-life experience,
the "how-to" of handling the devastation
and bereavement of losing one's child, and the psychic
and physical “After Death Communications”
found in several webpages at the www.suryo.net
“ ..success stories!” Living in Indonesia - A site for expats – one of the largest web sites for Expats living in the vast and sprawling Indonesian nation, the world's 4th. largest populated nation.. click here for more info. It's great to have real life examples of all the things we're talking about ... Especially the ‘success stories’ of the kids** of these (mixed) marriages ...Your sites are very interesting and offer valuable insight to many ... good luck with them all!! ... All the best” ... Danielle Sukarty, Organizing Committee, Living in Indonesia - A site for expats • **Laila 35 years the smart Environment & City Planning Engineer & **Arto 34 years, the Diplomat
..Everything I wish I could articulate myself.. ”
I visited (this) webpage and found it to be everything I wish I could articulate
myself ... although I know what a heart wrenching task it must have been
to put it in words, I am grateful to you for what you have done ... ” Teresa,
Arkansas, U.S.A. (a bereaved parent who commemorates her daughter's passing
away by inviting other bereaved parents to
commemorate their loved one on her website)
“I've found a shelter in a storm.. ” How amazingly wonderful your site is! My son Karl died on 2/21/01. He was 18. I miss him IMMENSELY! Hugs to you and your beautiful wife. Thank you so much for sharing your hearts. I especially Love seeing photo's of your beautiful son Cyrus. I'm saving your web pages and plan to read EVERY word... It's so wonderful you have such an important and extensive site for human beings in such pain and need. Know that today, thank's be to God and You, I've found a shelter in a storm. GOD BLESS YOU & YOUR WIFE AND DEAR CYRUS!!!” Colleen McCurdy, 25 Mar. ’01 | What other folks had to say... | The Do's and Don'ts in facing bereaved parents–from the bereaved's perspectives|| After-Death Communications is Real – The Miracle of the Fan | “Our Son in the other dimension”
|“ ..it brought tears in my eyes.. ” I am so sorry about the loss of your son Cyrus. I have read the story that you wrote in the page. I cannot imagine the trauma that you and your wife had to go thru, it brought tears in my eyes at the middle of the story what you must have gone thru. How sad it must had been. We too had our sorrows and had to go thru the valley of the unknown hurts of life... Gustaaf Vogelsang 8 August, 2001|
..losing a child is far more devastating.. ” Losing
an offspring like our 25 year old, Cyrus, is a devastation NO parent will
ever know, unless ONE EXPERIENCES it. It is far more devastating than losing
one's own parents and brothers and sisters – which
we had experienced and had gone through several times. More so when
this child was a living
doll, then no longer a child, became an adult and then a friend, a trusted
buddy who can instead give advice, and whom we can share experiences with
. On Jan. 28, 1999 when he
passed away, and 2½ years later on Aug. 7th. 2001, our voices still
break up and tears welled up in his mother's eyes , when a friend who
did not know Cyrus was no longer with us, asked “...and how is Cyrus..?”
Do's and Don'ts in facing bereaved parents – from the bereaved's perspectives
or Other Related Issues
ADCs|| NDEs|| Why? - Getting Answers by talking about it | Earth is our School | The Happiness of being in Heaven | Do not discredit other people's experiences | Thinking About Pleasant things in life | One is not immune from life's tragedies | Changing Priorities because of the lessons of pain | What will make you cry 10 times a day? | Conveying lessons | Is Cyrus–any other child–okay? | Opening new Dimensions | Cyrus & his Guardian's ADC | Whenever you think of your departed he/she is there |Visualizing Cyrus Leaving his body? | Committing suicide | We love You Son ...
A Letter from John..Tell me About Cyrus..What ailed him...
He Was Ill & Asked For His Parents’ Forgiveness...
The Hour He Passed Away ...
We are Grateful that we were at Cyrus’ Bedside...
I Have Never Heard Him Swear...A Nice Guy...
A Deja Vu Feeling of Failure...
The World Has Lost A Business Genius...
The Miracle of his Smile After Passing Away...
•Raden Roro Laila - The Smart Woman Environment Engineer
•Raden Arto, Javanese prince The Diplomat...& his family
•Raden Cyrus Agung ... 9 Nov. 1973–28 Jan. 1999* & remembering his favorite kind of music
– An Eulogy to a departed Son
– In Bahasa Indonesia
– A poem: God said: "I'll lend you my Child..."
– A friend Asks: Tell me about Cyrus?
– Friends say: My Heart Breaks for you
– In memory of Cyrus' 1st. Anniversary in the Other Dimension Music Page–28 January, 2000
– The Do's and Don'ts in facing bereaved parents – from the bereaved's perspectives
– Published Reference List on the After-Life, Near Death Experiences & After-Death Communications
– What Do the Other Dimensions & “After Death Communications” Convey?
– After-Death Communications is Real - The Miracle of the Fan 26 Aug., 1999 - continued ...
... The One-Legged Grasshopper • The Air Conditioning System • The Exploding Light Bulb
– A Prayer for our Son & all other departed children
beige background of the menu on the left comes from the "batik" motif or
"bahan titik", an acronym which means material made from dots, the
process of making handmade batik cloth.
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Living in Indonesia • A site for Expats
||200 Useful Links on all things in Indonesia|
26, 33year Sons & 34 year Daughter who are improvements of ourselves
like our 3 Grandchildren
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