Laila the smart woman environment and city planning engineer
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The other stories: The former (James Bond) Field Operative and his girl as parentsNow GrandparentingThe DiplomatThe Businessman whom God said to us "I'll Lend you My Child for awhile..." - There is an afterlife: Our 1st. year experience - Our Son's smile 18 hours after crossing to the other dimension - The Do's and Don'ts in facing bereaved parents – from the bereaved's perspectives - A Road Map for the Bereaved – from the bereaved’s perspectives •  More stories

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The other 30 stories - The Mangku Negara Crown, the King immune from bullets and cannon balls-the forefather of the Suryo-di-Puro family
Jakarta, the world's 5th. largest city ... in the world's 4th. largest nation.. never heard of it? Please click kere...
Laila, the Smart Woman Environment and City Planning EngineerThis young woman was born from a couple who came from two different sides of the globe, and she is a smart kid. Has her Mom's genes on fulfilling obligations and being a responsible person, and has her Daddy’s brains. She was made on Purwoto Pekih (a friend's) army cot in Paris in the mid ’60s.

Just 10 days before graduation, Laila arrived from her university in Bandung, the Institute Technology of Bandung (I.T.B.), a 220-year old former Dutch technical school Laila and Cyrus at Arto’s weddingwhich is Indonesia's prestigious equivalent of America's M.I.T., about 200 kilometers from Jakarta and tells her Dad, I don't think I'll graduate,” she said remorsefully.
"Why?” he asks.
I feel I won’t graduate ...
Because as I was presenting my thesis and nearly finishing”, she said, I was told by the examiners to stand aside. My other friends were called in, presented their thesis, I stood aside, and then the professors would ask me a few questions, then other friends came in, they then ask me a few more questions, I stood aside again, and just stood there for hours and hours watching my friends go by and again answering some other questions. No reaction at all from the professors about how I did,” she said unhappily. (Right foto with her younger brother Cyrus who shares the same birth date at Arto's wedding, August 12, 1995).

But that doesn't mean you'll not graduate,” her Dad said. But I feel I won't graduate”, she insisted.

Her Dad wasn't terribly worried because throughout her school life she was always in the top 3 of her class. Laila breast feeding looking in wonderwent at her MomSo, 10 days later she comes in from Bandung all beaming, and said, I graduated!”
Well, that's good honey,” her Dad said. Yes,” she continued, with cum laude”. Atta girl, her Daddy thought, must be due to her Mom's conscientiousness to do a good job and her Daddy's brain, he thought immodestly and thinking of the proverb the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree”.

Her parents were later informed that her faculty, for the first time during its 27 year of existence in 1961, awarded this honor in environment in 1988 and Laila was its very first recipient. (Right foto 1965, Laila feeding from her Mom's breast. This breasty foto won a 2nd. prize in an international British foto contest because of Laila's expression as a baby towards her Mother ... and to show breasts were sort of 'daring' in those days. Now ... well, anything goes).

So on that day her proud parentsOff to the U.S. for her M.A. degree journeyed 200 kilometers (125 miles) to Bandung and sat in the back of the 2,000 seat auditorium. While other parents with cum laude kids had front seats, her's ended up as the doormen because the doors kept banging on their backs each time somebody entered or left the auditorium. But it was okay because what was important she made it, and left her parents feeling, we did our part. The rest is up to her now. When her name was announced through the loudspeakers, the auditorium broke into such a pandemonium that her name and the summa cum laude honors she received were nearly but drowned by the whistles and clapping from the men and the women, a demonstration that she was popular with both men and women classmates. (Left foto, off to the Univ. of Hawaii for postgraduate studies, 1993, which she initiated, got a scholarship for on her own – without her Mom or Dad's intervention, or a penny from them. She even travelled “business class”, paid for by her scholarship which her parents thought was unusual. They must have lots of money floating around).
Somebody wants to buy me for 20 pigs ... Cute character looking over Laila's suitor
Suitor from Irian Jaya with his Koteka leaning over his left legOne day 2 years ago she comes in from a field trip in Irian (now West Papua as of 2000) about 7 hours commercial jet flight from Jakarta and announces to her parents, Somebody wants to buy me for 20 pigs and marry me, and if my parents agree quickly, he'll throw in 2 cows for good measure."Pool for the pigs

Sure, her Dad said with a straight face, and where will we keep the pigs? We sure don't have space in Mom's backyard.”(Right foto, with her suitor from Irian. Notice the koteka" leaning against his left leg. A koteka is a hollow piece of wood covering the male organ and is part of their dress makeup. Different cultures, different ways of covering one's self. Indonesia is a huge country, some 5,600 kilometers in width that needs some over 10 hours to cross by jetliner, a population of some 215 million people, is the world's 4th. largest nation, and has some 580-plus ethic groups and cultures. Left foto, her Mom's backyard, just enough for a couple of pigs and a few more if they like spending their whole day in the water. Never mind the cows).

Laila working with USAid Project colleagueShe now has some 10 years working experience, in Canada, U.S.A., Holland, Japan, Indonesia, and other areas of the world including a 2 years postgraduate stint at the University of Hawaii. Her U.S. professors who came for a visit to Jakarta just before her Hawaiian graduation praised her and told her parents, “She was one of the best students we've had the pleasure of working with.” (Left foto, field inspection somewhere in the boondocks & giving instructions).

Laila on one of those NY working tripsHer former boss, a guy from a U.S. government agency in Jakarta, who she was pretty close with (otherwise, nobody in their right mind would tell the boss what she told him) was approached by Laila and told him,

Impromptu donut partySo and so offered me a job,” she said. What do you think?”
If he steals you from me, I'll kill him, he replied, sort of stopping all further discussions. (Right foto, on a working trip to New York, with her sister in law, Dewi, and Hessy, her pal who is also in the same profession).
She’s very concerned about the local environment ...
Laila this year (1999) left her job in the U.S. Government agency because, she felt, that they were not doing enough for the world’s 4th. largest country population wise and one of the world’s largest geographically, and is one of the world’s major “lungs” covering an area equivalent to London, England past Europe to Tehran, Iran, to cross from one side of its border to the other. She is now with an American-Indonesian consultant company who stole her from that U.S. Government Agency, and hopes that in this company her skills and efforts can be put to better use.
(Left foto, one of those office-initiated impromptu birthday celebration on a doughnut). One day, she was offered to do a job at a United Nations agency. After studying the project and meeting the other team members for a month to see if she could do it, she tells her Mom that she's worried because her 'competition' were PhDs from all over the world and said, I know, I'll be outclassed."  Sometimes later when she finished the job, her parents met with this U.N. boss and he said: Did you know “Laila's work was better than all those others with their PhDs?"
Really?” her Mom says, that's nice.”
That's Laila, our 'Baby Girl' always underestimating herself.

On November 9th., 2000, Laila became 35 years old, and is now supervising and executing international environment projects from Washington, D.C. And this is what her old Man wrote in an email to her:
Jakarta, 9th. November, 2000
Today 35 years ago you were born at the Koln University Hospital*. 
As usual, Daddy's philosophy is the child must thank the child’s mother for giving birth and, naturally, it should be your Mom who should get the presents – considering the 9 months pregnancy she went through and – especially – the years she (and Daddy) had to go through to be able to put you on your feet.

But as tradition has it the child is congratulated, your Mom and I send you our love and birthday wishes. But it still does not dispel the facts I stated above.

Laila's Old Man 59-year old Adji
Your Dad ... and hope everything is going on well with you. 
If it doesn't, just have a little patience. Things will eventually go your way.

*The Köln (Cologne) University Hospital, 1965, in what was before West Germany. Laila's email:

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What other world wide web Sites have to say about these Life-Connection Webpages
“ ..I hope you continue your road map.. ”  –  the web's largest site on grandparenting:I looked at your site (it was excellent) ... I hope you continue to design your great site and continue your road map!* Have a good day.”  ... Bryan Butakis *Road map is a reference on real-life experience, the "how-to" of handling the devastation and bereavement of losing one's child, and the psychic and physicalAfter Death Communications” found in several webpages at the site map.
“ ..success stories!”  Living in Indonesia - A site for expats  –  one of the largest web sites for Expats living in the vast and sprawling Indonesian nation, the world's 4th. largest populated nation.. click here for more infoIt's great to have real life examples of all the things we're talking about ... Especially the ‘success stories’ of the kids** of these (mixed) marriages ...Your sites are very interesting and offer valuable insight to many ... good luck with them all!! ... All the best”  ... Danielle Sukarty, Organizing Committee, Living in Indonesia - A site for expats  •  **Laila 35 years the smart Environment & City Planning Engineer  & **Arto 34 years, the Diplomat
What other Moms had to say ...
“ ..Everything I wish I could articulate  myself.. ”  I visited (this) webpage and found it to be everything I wish I could articulate myself ... although I know what a heart wrenching task it must have been to put it in words, I am grateful to you for what you have done ... ” Teresa, Arkansas, U.S.A. (a bereaved parent who commemorates her daughter's passing away by inviting other bereaved parents to commemorate their loved one on her website)
“I've found a shelter in a storm.. ” How amazingly wonderful your site is! My son Karl died on 2/21/01. He was 18. I miss him IMMENSELY! Hugs to you and your beautiful wife. Thank you so much for sharing your hearts. I especially Love seeing photo's of your beautiful son Cyrus. I'm saving your web pages and plan to read EVERY word... It's so wonderful you have such an important and extensive site for human beings in such pain and need. Know that today, thank's be to God and You, I've found a shelter in a storm. GOD BLESS YOU & YOUR WIFE AND DEAR CYRUS!!!”  Colleen McCurdy, 25 Mar. ’01 |
What other folks had to say... | The Do's and Don'ts in facing bereaved parents–from the bereaved's perspectives|| After-Death Communications is Real – The Miracle of the Fan | “Our Son in the other dimension”
What a Dad had to say ...
“ brought tears in my eyes.. ” I am so sorry about the loss of your son Cyrus. I have read the story that you wrote in the page. I cannot imagine the trauma that you and your wife had to go thru, it brought tears in my eyes at the middle of the story what you must have gone thru. How sad it must had been. We too had our sorrows and had to go thru the valley of the unknown hurts of life... Gustaaf Vogelsang 8 August, 2001
What a bereaved Mom & Dad have to say ...
“ ..losing a child is far more devastating.. ” Losing an offspring like our 25 year old, Cyrus, is a devastation NO parent will ever know, unless ONE EXPERIENCES it. It is far more devastating than losing one's own parents and brothers and sisters – which we had experienced and had gone through several times. More so when this child was a living doll, then no longer a child, became an adult and then a friend, a trusted buddy who can instead give advice, and whom we can share experiences with . On Jan. 28, 1999 when he passed away, and 2½ years later on Aug. 7th. 2001, our voices still break up and tears welled up in his mother's eyes , when a friend who did not know Cyrus was no longer with us, asked “...and how is Cyrus..?” || The Do's and Don'ts in facing bereaved parents – from the bereaved's perspectives
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and a former English language journalist & editor with the AFP French National news agency & Antara Indonesian News Agencies in London, Paris, & Koln in the mid-'60s
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