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The Family’s secret East German story
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This wedding took place on August 12th., 1995 in Jakarta, the world's 5th. largest city ... in the world's 4th. largest nation.. never heard of it? Please click kere...
Javanese weddings are full of symbolisms. The lifetime role of the parents are mirrored in these weddings. It is reflected in giving away the child, releasing the child to itself, the child asking for forgiveness, and the parents during this ceremony feeding the child as a symbol to mean 'With this hand, I have taken care of you, and with this hand I am feeding you for the last time'.
The wedding first starts with the parents of the groom asking for the hand of the bride, either through an emissary prior to the ceremony, or in Arto's wedding the groom's parents offer their son and ask for Dewi's hand as prospective bride during the ceremony; and the bride's family accepts (Arto's parents asking Dewi's father for her hand, top right foto, 12th. August, 1995, in Jakarta, Indonesia. See also Arto – The Diplomat).
(Jakarta, Indonesia...world's 5th. largest city... in the world's 4th. largest nation...where is it? Never heard of it? Please click here)
After this, the religious ceremony takes place, where the groom sits at a table flanked by two witnesses, one each from their respective families, and a priest who conducts the ceremony sits next to the father of the bride opposite the groom. The grooms holds the bride father's right hand in a handshake fashion, and during this period the groom expresses his vows and promises he will take care of his prospective wife to the bride's father and witnesses. Then the bride's father expresses his agreement and gives her away to the groom. The bride is not present and unseen in the central Javanese ceremony, but in other Javanese customs the bride may be present and is an option mutually agreed by both families. The whole of Indonesia has some 500+plus different cultures; so, a little variation here and there is okay. Documents are then signed, and the next phase of the wedding starts.

In this next phase both groom and bride ask the 'forgiveness' of their respective parents, ask for their blessings and kind of say 'good bye' as they are starting their new lives. Arto asking forgiveness from his Mom and Dad (for sometimes giving them a hard time), with Dewi in the background asking for Arto Mom's blessings (left to right photos).

In the lower left foto below, the bride displays her submission to her husband and in the Javanese ceremony, the husband crushes a raw egg with his foot and his wife cleans it. Symbolizing she will take care of him, and her willingness to submit to him.

Do not think for one moment though, that the Javanese wife is totally submissive (the Javanese population is by far the largest ethic group in Indonesia's 220 million-plus nation). That's all show. In reality, it is the woman who dominates the Javanese household and this domination is not by vociferous demands for equal status, but through womanly traits the God-given things that women do who want something like being honey sweet, submissive and so on, not by rattling her saber. Women's lib movements are alien to the Indonesian women, except of-course for equal pay and equal promotion in a public working environment -- which is what it should be.

Like in any society, especially a large society, Indonesia has many variations (at last count some 583 different dialects and languages, reflecting a like amount of cultures) from the really sweet person who no matter how angry the husband is she doesn't get angry (like our sweet Dewi) just tears down her cheek, so in the end one can't get angry or be pushy. The husband just submits to what she wants (assuming the husband is a normal person and not an abusive SOB) on one side of the scale, to the other extreme the kind who rattles her sabers, makes threats and so on. Ants are attracted to honey, not vinegar; and this seems to be the strategy upheld by most Indonesian women whether inherently by nature, or by hook and crook (most Asian women come to think of it).

About Indonesia's women, August 2001 population statistics published in the nation's English-language The Jakarta Post (and previously published by the Statistics Office in 1997 & 1998) claim that 75% of the total 220-million population are made of people under the age of 30 years, and that out of this total population, 60% are women.

Indonesia has a formal matriarchal society in parts of Sumatra where the women folks are the ones in charge where its laws and local customs, including the husbands taking their wives' names, reflect their matriarchal society. Women are therefore inherently and in some societies culturally in charge, some formally as in parts of Sumatra, and in other societies very discretely as in Java. The end result is women get what they want.

There are not too many matriarchal societies in the world today. Indonesian women therefore, overall, do not really need to express or demonstrate for liberation, except as said above for equality in public, and in working places.

Left and right fotos, Dewi and Arto's Moms feeding their offspring,symbolizing 'I took care of you, and now you are starting your own family, and this is the last time I am taking care of (feeding) you' (their Dads symbolically feed them too for the last time). The formal ceremony ends with the couple vowing to take care of each other, symbolized by feeding each other (bottom foto).
 
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What other world wide web Sites have to say about these Life-Connection Webpages
“ ..I hope you continue your road map.. ” www.iGrandparents.com  –  the web's largest site on grandparenting:I looked at your site (it was excellent) ... I hope you continue to design your great site and continue your road map!* Have a good day.”  ... Bryan Butakis  www.iGrandparents.com *Road map is a reference on real-life experience, the "how-to" of handling the devastation and bereavement of losing one's child, and the psychic and physicalAfter Death Communications” found in several webpages at the www.suryo.net site map.
“ ..success stories!”  Living in Indonesia - A site for expats  –  one of the largest web sites for Expats living in the vast and sprawling Indonesian nation, the world's 4th. largest populated nation.. click here for more infoIt's great to have real life examples of all the things we're talking about ... Especially the ‘success stories’ of the kids** of these (mixed) marriages ...Your sites are very interesting and offer valuable insight to many ... good luck with them all!! ... All the best”  ... Danielle Sukarty, Organizing Committee, Living in Indonesia - A site for expats  •  **Laila 35 years the smart Environment & City Planning Engineer  & **Arto 34 years, the Diplomat
What other Moms had to say ...
“ ..Everything I wish I could articulate  myself.. ”  I visited (this) webpage and found it to be everything I wish I could articulate myself ... although I know what a heart wrenching task it must have been to put it in words, I am grateful to you for what you have done ... ” Teresa, Arkansas, U.S.A. (a bereaved parent who commemorates her daughter's passing away by inviting other bereaved parents to commemorate their loved one on her website)
“I've found a shelter in a storm.. ” How amazingly wonderful your site is! My son Karl died on 2/21/01. He was 18. I miss him IMMENSELY! Hugs to you and your beautiful wife. Thank you so much for sharing your hearts. I especially Love seeing photo's of your beautiful son Cyrus. I'm saving your web pages and plan to read EVERY word... It's so wonderful you have such an important and extensive site for human beings in such pain and need. Know that today, thank's be to God and You, I've found a shelter in a storm. GOD BLESS YOU & YOUR WIFE AND DEAR CYRUS!!!”  Colleen McCurdy, 25 Mar. ’01 |
What other folks had to say... | The Do's and Don'ts in facing bereaved parents–from the bereaved's perspectives|| After-Death Communications is Real – The Miracle of the Fan | “Our Son in the other dimension”
What a Dad had to say ...
“ ..it brought tears in my eyes.. ” I am so sorry about the loss of your son Cyrus. I have read the story that you wrote in the page. I cannot imagine the trauma that you and your wife had to go thru, it brought tears in my eyes at the middle of the story what you must have gone thru. How sad it must had been. We too had our sorrows and had to go thru the valley of the unknown hurts of life... Gustaaf Vogelsang 8 August, 2001
What a bereaved Mom & Dad have to say ...
“ ..losing a child is far more devastating.. ” Losing an offspring like our 25 year old, Cyrus, is a devastation NO parent will ever know, unless ONE EXPERIENCES it. It is far more devastating than losing one's own parents and brothers and sisters – which we had experienced and had gone through several times. More so when this child was a living doll, then no longer a child, became an adult and then a friend, a trusted buddy who can instead give advice, and whom we can share experiences with . On Jan. 28, 1999 when he passed away, and 2½ years later on Aug. 7th. 2001, our voices still break up and tears welled up in his mother's eyes , when a friend who did not know Cyrus was no longer with us, asked “...and how is Cyrus..?” || The Do's and Don'ts in facing bereaved parents – from the bereaved's perspectives
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The other 30 stories - The Mangku Negara Crown, the King immune from bullets and cannon balls-the forefather of the Suryo-di-Puro family
For those first starting off in Life
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A Javanese Prince who married an Iranian Princess - A James Bond True-Life Story
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Raden Arto, Javanese prince The Diplomat...& his family
Raden Cyrus Agung ... 9 Nov. 1973–28 Jan. 1999* & remembering his favorite kind of music
An Eulogy to a departed Son
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After-Death Communications is Real - The Miracle of the Fan 26 Aug., 1999 - continued ...
    ... The One-Legged Grasshopper • The Air Conditioning System • The Exploding Light Bulb
 – A Prayer for our Son & all other departed children
Raden Mas Suryo-di-Puro, senior diplomat (Granddad)
Javanese Weddings reflect parents lifetime roles
A King immune from bullets and cannons ...
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Why Do We Have Different Beliefs? Because of Conditioning?
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The writer is a Member of
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and a former English language journalist & editor with the AFP French National news agency & Antara Indonesian News Agencies in London, Paris, & Koln in the mid-'60s
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 The beige background of the menu on the left comes from the "batik" motif or "bahan titik", an acronym  which means material made from dots, the process of making handmade batik cloth.
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