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family he created
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 Javanese
weddings are full of symbolisms.  The
lifetime role of the parents are mirrored in these weddings. It is reflected
in giving away the child, releasing the child to itself, the child asking
for forgiveness, and the parents during this ceremony feeding the child
as a symbol to mean 'With this hand, I have taken care of you, and with
this hand I am feeding you for the last time'.
In this next phase
both In the lower left foto below, the bride displays her submission to her husband and in the Javanese ceremony, the husband crushes a raw egg with his foot and his wife cleans it. Symbolizing she will take care of him, and her willingness to submit to him. Do not think for one
moment though, that the Javanese wife is totally submissive (the Javanese
population is by far the largest ethic group in Indonesia's 220 million-plus
nation). That's all show. In reality, it is the woman who dominates the
Javanese household and this domination is not by vociferous demands for
equal status, but through womanly traits –
the God-given things that women do who want something like being honey
sweet, submissive and so on, not by rattling her saber. About Indonesia's women, August 2001 population statistics published in the nation's English-language The Jakarta Post (and previously published by the Statistics Office in 1997 & 1998) claim that 75% of the total 220-million population are made of people under the age of 30 years, and that out of this total population, 60% are women. Indonesia has a formal matriarchal society in parts of Sumatra where the women folks are the ones in charge where its laws and local customs, including the husbands taking their wives' names, reflect their matriarchal society. Women are therefore inherently – and in some societies culturally – in charge, some formally as in parts of Sumatra, and in other societies very discretely as in Java. The end result is women get what they want. There are not too many matriarchal societies in the world today. Indonesian women therefore, overall, do not really need to express or demonstrate for liberation, except as said above for equality in public, and in working places.  Left
and right fotos, Dewi and Arto's Moms feeding their offspring, symbolizing
'I
took care of you, and now you are starting your own family, and this is
the last time I am taking care of (feeding) you' (their Dads symbolically
feed them too for the last time). The formal ceremony ends with the couple
vowing to take care of each other, symbolized by feeding each other (bottom
foto).
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..I hope you continue your road map.. ” www.iGrandparents.com
– the web's largest site on grandparenting:
“I looked at your
site (it was excellent) ... I hope you continue to design your great
site and continue your road map!*
Have a good day.” ... Bryan Butakis www.iGrandparents.com•
*Road map is a reference on real-life experience,
the "how-to" of handling the devastation
and bereavement of losing one's child, and the psychic
and physical “After Death Communications”
found in several webpages at the www.suryo.net
site map.
“ ..success stories!” Living in Indonesia - A site for expats – one of the largest web sites for Expats living in the vast and sprawling Indonesian nation, the world's 4th. largest populated nation.. click here for more info. It's great to have real life examples of all the things we're talking about ... Especially the ‘success stories’ of the kids** of these (mixed) marriages ...Your sites are very interesting and offer valuable insight to many ... good luck with them all!! ... All the best” ... Danielle Sukarty, Organizing Committee, Living in Indonesia - A site for expats • **Laila 35 years the smart Environment & City Planning Engineer & **Arto 34 years, the Diplomat |
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..Everything I wish I could articulate myself.. ”
I visited (this) webpage and found it to be everything I wish I could articulate
myself ... although I know what a heart wrenching task it must have been
to put it in words, I am grateful to you for what you have done ... ” Teresa,
Arkansas, U.S.A. (a bereaved parent who commemorates her daughter's passing
away by inviting other bereaved parents to
commemorate their loved one on her website)
“I've found a shelter in a storm.. ” How amazingly wonderful your site is! My son Karl died on 2/21/01. He was 18. I miss him IMMENSELY! Hugs to you and your beautiful wife. Thank you so much for sharing your hearts. I especially Love seeing photo's of your beautiful son Cyrus. I'm saving your web pages and plan to read EVERY word... It's so wonderful you have such an important and extensive site for human beings in such pain and need. Know that today, thank's be to God and You, I've found a shelter in a storm. GOD BLESS YOU & YOUR WIFE AND DEAR CYRUS!!!” Colleen McCurdy, 25 Mar. ’01 | What other folks had to say... | The Do's and Don'ts in facing bereaved parents–from the bereaved's perspectives|| After-Death Communications is Real – The Miracle of the Fan | “Our Son in the other dimension” |
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| “ ..it brought tears in my eyes.. ” I am so sorry about the loss of your son Cyrus. I have read the story that you wrote in the page. I cannot imagine the trauma that you and your wife had to go thru, it brought tears in my eyes at the middle of the story what you must have gone thru. How sad it must had been. We too had our sorrows and had to go thru the valley of the unknown hurts of life... Gustaaf Vogelsang 8 August, 2001 |
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..losing a child is far more devastating.. ” Losing
an offspring like our 25 year old, Cyrus, is a devastation NO parent will
ever know, unless ONE EXPERIENCES it. It is far more devastating than losing
one's own parents and brothers and sisters – which
we had experienced and had gone through several times. More so when
this child was a living
doll, then no longer a child, became an adult and then a friend, a trusted
buddy who can instead give advice, and whom we can share experiences with
. On Jan. 28, 1999 when he
passed away, and 2½ years later on Aug. 7th. 2001, our voices still
break up and tears welled up in his mother's eyes , when a friend who
did not know Cyrus was no longer with us, asked “...and how is Cyrus..?”
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The
Do's and Don'ts in facing bereaved parents – from the bereaved's perspectives
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suryo@suryo.net |
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 A
La Carte - the Menu•Raden Roro Laila - The Smart Woman Environment Engineer •Raden Arto, Javanese prince The Diplomat...& his family •Raden Cyrus Agung ... 9 Nov. 1973–28 Jan. 1999* & remembering his favorite kind of music – An Eulogy to a departed Son – In Bahasa Indonesia – A poem: God said: "I'll lend you my Child..." – A friend Asks: Tell me about Cyrus? – Friends say: My Heart Breaks for you – In memory of Cyrus' 1st. Anniversary in the Other Dimension Music Page–28 January, 2000 
– The Do's and Don'ts in facing bereaved parents – from the bereaved's perspectives – Published Reference List on the After-Life, Near Death Experiences & After-Death Communications – What Do the Other Dimensions & “After Death Communications” Convey?
– After-Death Communications is Real - The Miracle of the Fan 26 Aug., 1999 - continued ... ... The One-Legged Grasshopper
• The Air Conditioning System • The Exploding Light Bulb
– A Prayer for our Son & all other departed children
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The
beige background of the menu on the left comes from the "batik" motif or
"bahan titik", an acronym which means material made from dots, the
process of making handmade batik cloth.
Cyrus'
Banner
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8
August, 2001
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Living in Indonesia • A site for Expats |
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200 Useful Links on all things in Indonesia |
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26, 33year Sons & 34 year Daughter who are improvements of ourselves |
like our 3 Grandchildren |
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| MIDI, or musical instrument digital interface, is a standard used by sound-card makers and musical instrument manufacturers to let various electronic instruments and sound processors talk to each other. Because MIDI sound samples and synthesis algorithms are stored on the local system (either in your sound card, the PC's processor, or in an external MIDI module), all that needs to be sent over the wire is a series of signals that say what note to play when. For that reason, extremely small MIDI files (less than 5K) can still deliver several minutes of music. A 3 minute MP3 sound carries a size of some 2.7 MB, while the equivalent 3 minute MIDI file is about 1/100 its size (27K). MIDI notes and sound effects are usually limited to the sounds in the standard General MIDI set. General MIDI is a fairly extensive set, including drums, woodwinds, strings, and some sound effects, but it's not the same as recording your own sounds or your voice which you can with MP3. Also, MIDI quality depends almost exclusively on the sound system used for playback. A PC with an el cheapo sound card using weak FM synthesis technology could make even a brilliant MIDI arrangement sound like a $15 electronic keyboard, whereas an expensive wavetable synthesis sound system could produce awe-inspiring MIDI tones. For quicker down loading, MIDI files are used here. |
| ¹MIDI music from Bourbon Street & ²From MidiWorld • ³Sequenced (played & arranged) by Devian, a 30-year Indonesian graduate from the Berkely School of Music & used with permission • º Sequenced by Jan Halsema & used with permission • *Wherever possible and available permission was requested from their composers • **Used with permission • All music tracks are available for non-commercial use |
groom
and bride ask the
'forgiveness' of their respective parents, ask for their blessings and
kind of say 'good bye' as they are starting their new lives. Arto asking
forgiveness from his Mom and Dad (for sometimes giving them a hard time),
with Dewi in the background asking for Arto Mom's blessings (left to
right photos).
Women's
lib movements are alien to the Indonesian women, except of-course for equal
pay and equal promotion in a public working environment -- which is what
it should be.
